The war is over for me now, but it will always be there, the rest of my days. As I’m sure Elias will be, fighting with Barnes for what Rhah calls “possession of my soul.” There are times since, I’ve felt like a child, born of those two fathers. ~Chris Taylor, Platoon
I was born of two fathers. The Sun and the Moon. Earth and Heaven. Illumination and Reflection. Science and Magic. Reality and Fantasy. Engineer and Artist. Male and Female.
I was born of two fathers and have been at odds with myself harkening back to the day I was conceived in the union of man and woman. Struggling always with who I was, who I wanted to be, who I thought I should be, which father I would embrace as the true father.
I felt the two fathers at war with the winner taking my soul as the prize. I was unable to embrace duality. My reality dwelt in the notion there was only one right answer. And my internal dialog that seeks to be…needs to be…right…at almost any cost constantly fought with itself.
Lately, I have been embracing with a new reality, a reality where right and wrong have no meaning, no power to cause conflict in my spirit. It goes like this. The two fathers are not opposite ends of a duality. The are points on a circle, a continuum of choices, of “right” choices, choices that complement each other rather than stand in opposition.
What is functional engineering without the beauty that transforms it into art?
What use is the hard truth of reality without fantastical stories breathing life into imagination?
What good is science if not to help us decipher the magic of creation?
What value is the illumination of new truths without time to reflect upon its application to benefit human society?
What is at the end of life on earth if not the promise of heaven above?
What is a day toiling in the eye of a blistering sun without the coolness of a night time moon to revel in the arms of a lover?
What is male without female or female without male but an evolutionary dead end?
It took more than 50 years of struggling but now I understand. I was truly born of two fathers, one male the other female, and I have come to peace with the knowledge that I am neither and I am both and both options are right.