A human being is never what he is but the self he seeks. ~Octavio Paz
Angst bows to joyance by virtue of a single quote offered up by the universe during a period of emotional disquietude. How? A shift in perspective instigated by a deep thought encapsulated in a disarmingly simple sentence scribed by a dead poet translated from the original Spanish into English which, when read, set me free from the prison of my own, limited thinking.
The angst stoked by the fear that I, as a unique human, was finished evolving. That I was the penultimate me. That either I sustain my current being, more likely, succumb to the law of entropy and descend into anarchy before my heart ceases beating. But, as Octavio says, I am not what I am going to be. There is still a chance to be the self I seek. As long as I seek, I have a new future.
I am, mostly, happy with the person dwelling beneath my skin. If I thought I had reached the end game, I would writhe in disappointment trying to scrape myself free the way a snake discards old skin and shines fresh, rejuvenates larger then previously bound.
I am not the end. My current self is continually seeking my future self, striving to reach my future self. In that essence, I am walking uncharted territory peering around twisted canyon corners discovering a series of new David’s with every struggling step.
I don’t realize I am new until I look back and see glimmers, fading glimmers of who I used to be. Sometimes, it takes years to realize change occurred and I am closer to the person I am seeking.