Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood. ~Geroge Orwell
I have given up on romantic love as a two way street in my life. It is not in the cards I’ve chosen to play. I could accept being understood, having someone dig deep enough beyond predicting my behavior to discern motives underlying my feelings and actions, but even I have difficulty fathoming why I do the things I do, why I don’t do the things I ought to do.
If I can’t understand myself, what chance is there to be understood? If I can’t have bidirectional love or understanding, what then? Acceptance. But that implies some understanding. I guess, my destiny is to be tolerated, to add just enough to a relationship so as to not be discarded for my shortcomings.
The scales of justice in a teetering balance until I shit myself and tip them beyond another’s ability to live and let live together.