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Wandering Soulless

The purpose of literature is to turn blood into ink. ~T.S. Eliot

I don’t claim to be a literature-ist but still, my writing is blood, my blood spilled onto paper. I cannot write any other way. I don’t want to write any other way.

I slice my soul and let the blood pour onto blank paper, unlined paper and smear it around until words form, smear until words arrange themselves into sentences, smear until all that remains are vignettes of my experiences drying on the page.
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Crucified by a Succubus

I crucified my hate and held the word within my hand
There’s you, the time, the logic, or the reasons we don’t understand

~Yes

There is a hatred in me running deep poisoning my ability to rest with peace when my head hits the pillow. I wish I could nail the hate to a cross and watch it die. Quick death. Slow death. I don’t care as long as it dies.
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Untruthful Truths

Dreams about transparent questions. ~Roberto Bolaño

Much of our self-talk is opaque, talk obfuscating reality, talk justifying what we want to be true at the expense of what is true. We are trapped in an inner world built on rationalization, predicated on imagined realities.
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I Am Sorry

The city on the river there is a girl without a dream
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry

~R.E.M.

The “land of the free” is mythologized as a land where dreams are made into reality. This has largely been the case for the white elite, much less so for the poor, for people of color. It’s a myth broadcast around the world yet, for many, these dreams were nightmares of slavery, laws segregating the races, continual violence perpetrated by the powerful against the disenfranchised, tax distribution ensuring the poor struggle with inadequate schooling.

I have never risen up to be part of the solution. So, I must say, “I am sorry.”

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Follow the Sun

If you are confused, check with the sun. ~R.E.M.

The sun is more reliable than God when choosing a direction to travel. More reliable because Sun is visible at least half the day, longer when illuminating the moon, providing guidance where God is omnipresent yet unseeable. Silent.
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Words are Vague Shadows of Reality

How true is it that words are vague shadows of the volumes we mean. ~Theodore Dreiser

I live with the belief that I don’t have much life left to live. I don’t expect to be above ground long enough to enjoy my retirement. I have 4 stents that were installed to circumvent a left anterior descending artery, the widow maker, that was 100% occluded. My father had heart disease requiring the doctor to crack open his chest and perform a quad bypass. He eventually succumbed to cancer. I have inherited at least one of his frailties. I always wanted to be like him but never imagined it would be in this way. The blessing of this knowledge is that I appreciate every day.
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Creation Equals Destruction

Art, though, requires pride and disobedience. The pride of creation and the disobedience of disturbing the status quo. ~Seth Godin

Art destroys.
Art creates.
Therefore, creation and destruction are the same.
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